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Dear Srila Prabhupada,

Please accept my most humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet. All glories to you!

In mid-August in the midst of our summer tour in Poland, I was surprised to see that many trees were already turning to their autumn colors. Generally, they don’t change color until mid-September.

“They will start losing their leaves soon,” I thought.

Watching the bright colors blur together through my window as we sped towards our next festival site, two thoughts came to my mind. First, I thought about how I am in the autumn of my life and soon you will call me to another service, somewhere here in the material world or perhaps even in the spiritual world. The second thought I had was that I am fortunate to have lived as long as I have!

You said on a morning walk on February 21, 1975 in Caracas, Venezuela:

“Instead of contemplating what will happen to this world, you have got a short duration of life, say fifty, sixty years. You chant Hare Krsna and go back to home, back to Godhead.”

Fortunately, I’ve lived 13 years past the sixty-year deadline, but unfortunately, I have yet to shed a tear while chanting the holy names. I am not discouraged, though, because you said in a lecture in Los Angeles on May 4, 1973:

“This is called firm faith, that ‘Now, because I am engaged in Kṛṣṇa consciousness business, so I must be able to face Kṛṣṇa, face to face, see Kṛṣṇa face to face. That I must have.’ So don’t be disappointed. Go on with your Kṛṣṇa consciousness activities. Time will come when you’ll see Kṛṣṇa, just like Kuntī is seeing, face to face. There is no doubt about it.”

So, I don’t doubt that I will see Krsna one day, and I’m certain that that will happen only by your grace. Thus, whatever time I have left in this body I will fully dedicate to your mission of delivering the fallen conditioned souls. I realized long ago that it is only by serving your mission in this world that I can qualify myself to participate in your pastimes in the spiritual world. This means preaching the message of Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu with full vigor just as you did!

yatha yatha gaura-padaravinde
vindeta bhaktim krta punya-rasih
tatha tathot-sarpati hrdya-kasmad
radha-padambhoja-sudhambu rasih

“As much as one can devote his full attention to the lotus feet of Sri Caitanya, to that extent he will be able to taste the nectarine service of the lotus feet of Srimati Radharani in Vrindavan. The more one engages in the service of Sri Caitanya, the more one finds oneself in Vrindavan, tasting the nectar of the service of Sri Radha.”

(Srila Prabodhananda Sarasvati, Caitanya Candramrta, Verse 88)

There are many excuses I could use to stop preaching: I’m too old, I’m too tired, I’ve done my part. But nothing I’ve done can equal even one iota of what you’ve done for me. My dear spiritual master, my debt to you can never be repaid.

Recently, I watched again the heart-wrenching video of your last hours in this world. On your deathbed, you were using your final breaths to speak your Bhaktivedanta purports into a dictaphone held close to your mouth by a disciple. May I embrace those words to my heart and share them with the unfortunate people of this world!

I pray that nothing will ever distract me from your mission and from my desire to join you in your nitya-lila pastimes in Goloka Vrindavan. The present world is overrun with unlimited distractions. On the same morning walk on February 21, 1975 in Caracas, Venezuela, you warned us against becoming infatuated by these distractions:

“Don’t consider what will happen to this world. Nature will take care of it. You don’t puzzle your brain with these thoughts. You utilize whatever time you have got in your possession and go back to home, back to Godhead. You cannot check it. Best thing is that you mold your life and go back to home, back to Godhead. Because people will go on with their material civilization, natural consequences will be there. You better take advantage of whatever time you have got and become fully Krsna conscious and go back to home.”

That I will do, my beloved spiritual master, and knowing your compassionate heart, I will try to bring as many conditioned souls with me as I can. Like you, I will try my best to preach until my last breath, whether it comes today or tomorrow. If I am to be remembered, let it be only for my attempts to render service to your lotus feet. The Samurai warriors had a code: “Don’t ask me how he died. Ask me how he lived!”

I am early in my awakening as a servant of the Lord, so I can’t claim to know Krsna. But I am confident that I will reach the goal because I know you. It is you who will one day bring me face to face with the Lord.

One time the great Ramanuja Acarya asked Ranganath, the presiding deity of Sri Rangam, “My Lord, what will happen if for some reason Your devotee cannot remember You at the moment of death?”

Ranganath replied, “If My devotee cannot remember Me at the moment of death, I will remember My devotee!”

In my case, Srila Prabhupada, this could only happen by your causeless mercy. It is only because I am always remembering you that Krsna might remember me.

My dear spiritual master, you are my life and soul, the most cherished element of my existence. You are everything to me, my “saksad hari,” the Lord’s representative in this world. I surrender myself totally unto your lotus feet.

As the sun sets on my life, I am not afraid of what lies ahead, for it can only be service to your lotus feet. I have experienced in this life that I am happy serving you in any condition, at any time, in any place—in the jungles of the Amazon, the freezing steppes of Siberia, the deserts of Mongolia, the favelas of Rio di Janeiro, the ruins of Sarajevo and the concrete jungles of New York, London and Paris. I have always been happy sharing your message with others.

This is especially true when I am on the Baltic Sea coast with our festival, where, for the last 30 years, thousands of guests have been in attendance every summer evening. When the audience gives us a resounding standing ovation, tears come to my eyes and I look up to the sky and wonder, “Srila Prabhupada, are you watching?”

I hope that you are and I feel that you must be. Please know that by holding these festivals in my remaining years, I want to reciprocate with your tireless efforts in establishing this movement in the pioneer days of ISKCON. My life is coming to a natural conclusion and I often dream of where I will serve you next. Every day I am trying to improve myself so that I will be a real asset to your mission. Forgive me for using a mundane phrase I learned in the military, but I want to “hit the beach running.”

One time a godbrother of mine said to you, “Srila Prabhupada, I want to be just like you!”

The assembled devotees were shocked. One devotee chastised that person saying, “It’s offensive to say that. You can never be equal to the spiritual master!”

But you took it differently. You said, “That is the proper sentiment because the spiritual master is acarya – he is setting the example what kind of devotee the disciple should be.”

I still have time left: a few days, a few months or perhaps even many years. I will use this time to try to become like you, to serve with the same determination as you did.

You once wrote to me that I should “always follow in the footsteps of advanced devotees.” That instruction has guided me throughout my life. I have always honored my godbrothers and godsisters, understanding them to be more advanced than me. Most importantly, Srila Prabhupada, I have honored you as the most advanced devotee I will ever know, either in this life or the next. I look forward to meeting you again one day in the spiritual world. You told one of my godbrothers that when we return to the spiritual world our spiritual master will be waiting for us. He will take our hand and lead us into the forest of Vrindavan where he will introduce us to Krsna, our beloved Lord. I shall keep that vision in my heart as I wander the world attempting to bring fallen souls to your lotus feet, for you are Prabhupada, the master at whose feet all masters sit.

All glories to you on this occasion of your divine appearance in this world!

Your servant,
Indradyumna Swami

Diary of a Traveling Monk

Volume 15, Chapter ____

August 29, 2021

My Dearmost Spiritual Master,

Please accept my most humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet.

Today I am praying to the Supreme Lord to find the proper words to glorify you on this special occasion of your 125th appearance day anniversary.

abalam prabhur ipsitonnatim
krta-yatnam sva-yasah-stave ghrni
svayam uddharati stanarthinam
pada-lagnam jananiva balakam

“Wishing to drink from his mother’s breast an infant child clutches his mother’s foot and she kindly picks him up. In the same way when a sincere devotee, although not expert with words, yearns to praise others, the Supreme Lord uplifts and empowers him.”

( Hari-bhakti-vilasa 8.351 )

Srila Prabhupada, the other day a person inquiring about Krsna consciousness asked me if I was happy. When I replied, “Yes, of course I am,” he countered, “But how can you be happy when there’s so much suffering in this world? Everywhere one looks people are unhappy.”

I replied, “Sir, my happiness lies in encouraging people to chant the holy names of Krsna, a time-honored remedy to alleviate all suffering in this world. I’m sure if you tried it you’d be happy too!”

“I can’t do that,” he said bluntly.

“It’s easy,” I said. “Just say, ‘Hare Krsna!’”

“Sorry,” was his only response.

“Well,” I said, “then you’ll just have to be satisfied with being one of the unhappy persons you mentioned.”

There was a pause and then suddenly he blurted out, “Alright! Hare Krsna! Hare Krsna! Hare Krsna!”

I waited for a moment and then asked him, “So, how was it?”

He replied, “Well, yeah. It was nice. I felt something different. I’ll give it a go.”

Srila Prabhupada, that conversation reminded me of how you were once walking on a beach in Bombay with some of your disciples and a little girl walking by folded her hands and said to you, “Hare Krsna!” Smiling, you turned to your disciples and commented, “Just see how successful our movement is!”

One disciple asked, “What do you mean by ‘successful’, Srila Prabhupada?”

You replied, “If you taste just one drop of the ocean, you can understand how salty the whole ocean is. Similarly, by this one girl greeting us with ‘Hare Krsna’ we can appreciate how the chanting of the Lord’s holy names has spread around the world.”

Such small triumphs in the spreading of the holy names certainly add to the success of your mission, Srila Prabhupada, but to be perfectly honest, locked down and locked out of my previous services to you as a result of the worldwide pandemic, I miss more than ever the big victories we helped you achieve in days gone by.

I miss seeing thousands of young people loudly chanting the holy names of Krsna at the Polish Woodstock Festival every year.

I miss distributing tens of thousands of plates of prasadam annually to Zulu children in the poor townships of South Africa.

I miss the standing ovations that our theater productions received as we toured the United States.

I miss our festivals along the Baltic Sea coast, where for 30 years running, each summer night, people would leap from their seats during the final kirtan and chant and dance with us in great ecstasy.

I miss our harinam parties in Altay, Dzag, Urgamal, and Hodrogo on the far-western steppes of Mongolia, where each time, literally the whole town would follow us back for a program in a hall.

The list is endless, Srila Prabhupada, but recently I realized I can’t go on forever daydreaming about the past. You said many times that if we are sincere, then there can be no real impediments to spreading the glories of the holy names. I was reminded of this recently while listening to a lecture you gave in London on July 18th, 1973, wherein you said:

“Material impediments cannot check progress in the science of God. We are experiencing that Krsna consciousness does not get checked anywhere. We have got branches all over the world. Any country, there is no language difficulty. Wherever we chant Hare Krsna they join. Even in Africa, they are also chanting Hare Krsna. So, there is no checking this movement.”

Your words had a profound effect on me, which is often the case when I listen to your lectures. I feel you are speaking directly to me.

“The learned say that nectar resides in the ocean, the moon, the lips of a young lady, the abode of serpents and in heaven. But the ocean is salty, the moon wanes, the husbands who drink nectar from the lips of their wives die, snakes provide poison, and one falls down from heaven when the fruits of his virtuous deeds are exhausted. But indeed, nectar is found in the voice of realized saints whose sweet words and instructions lead one to immortality.”

[ The Subhāṣita-ratna-bhāṇḍāgāram ]

Inspired by your words, Srila Prabhupada, the daily chanting of my mantras took on a different tone. I pleaded to be engaged once again in some significant service to your mission.

Narada Muni says to Gopa Kumara in Brhad-bhagavatamrta:

“My dear boy, whatever you desire while chanting your mantra, by its power you will fully achieve. Indeed, you will attain more than your desire.”

[ Sri Brhad-bhagavatamrta 2.1.189 ]

Time passed in this way, and having received no discernable sign from the Lord that He would fulfill my prayer for service to your mission, I suddenly realized how foolish I was to think that I, an aspiring devotee at best, could personally request something from Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. So then I did the right thing: I begged you, my beloved Spiritual Master, to pray to the Lord on my behalf!

In a letter to Mahananda das on April 26th, 1970, you wrote:

“Regarding your questions, are the Spiritual Master and the grand Spiritual Master consciously aware of the prayers of a sincere devotee who prays in love to Them? The answer is that no conscious prayers go in vain. They are transmitted positively. Any prayer you offer to your Spiritual Master and Superior Spiritual Master is conveyed to Krsna. No sincere prayers go in vain.”

So it was no surprise to me, Srila Prabhupada, when one week later, without any additional effort whatsoever on my part, my prayers [ to you! ] were answered.

“The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath.”

[ William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice, Act 4, Scene 1 ]

As I was walking by the prestigious Vrindavan Research Institute, near to our Krsna Balarama Mandir here in Vrindavan with my disciple Visnu-tattva das, he turned to me and said, “Srila Gurudeva, the managers of the institute told me they would like to meet with you. Can I make an appointment?”

I looked at him in disbelief. Since 1973, when I first travelled to Vrindavan, the prestigious institute with all of its thousands of sacred scriptures had mostly been off-limits to anyone except research scholars. I often dreamed of walking into the institute and having darshan of the sastras contained within its walls, which I knew included the original handwritten manuscripts of Srila Rupa Goswami, Srila Jiva Goswami, Narottama das Thakura, Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura and many other great Vaisnava saints, as well.

“It’s under new management now,” Visnu-tattva continued. “They are eager to improve the important work they are doing. I’ve actually been helping them for some time now with cataloguing their vast library.”

Visnu-tattva comes from a well-respected Goswami family in Vrindavan and is pursuing a master’s degree in Sanskrit.

“They know about you, Srila Gurudeva, and are asking for your cooperation with scanning, digitizing, preserving, translating and publishing the 32,000 scriptures in the institute.”

Surprised, I said, “But how in the world do they know me?”

“Through your social media,” he replied. “And they’re aware that you’ve been lecturing about Vrindavan for almost two years based on authentic scriptures.”

I shook my head in disbelief.

“Ok,” I said. “Make an appointment.”

Several days later we met with the head of the institute and his managers for several hours, discussing the dynamics of how we could cooperate.

Afterwards, one of the managers took me on a tour of the institute.

As we walked through numerous rooms encasing the sacred texts, she said, “The previous managers were mainly interested in protecting the valuable manuscripts. But our new management realizes these scriptures were written to be read by the entire world.”

As we sat down to discuss more, she placed an old palm-leaf manuscript in my hands.

“Take this one for example,” she said. “It’s the original Bhakti-rasamrita-sindhu by Srila Rupa Goswami. It is over 500 years old. You can see how much it is in need of preservation.”

“Good Lord!” I said softly. “I’m holding one of the most important sastras of our tradition in my hands.”

I could hardly fathom my good fortune. Looking closely at the beautiful handwriting of Srila Rupa Goswami, I remembered a verse from Caitanya-caritamrita:

sri-rupera aksara—yena mukutara panti
prita hana karena prabhu aksarera stuti

“Thus being pleased, Lord Caitanya praised the writing by saying, ‘The handwriting of Rupa Gosvami is just like rows of pearls.’”

[ Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Antya 1.97 ]

Carefully taking the manuscript from my hands, she placed another in front of me.

“Do you know the saint Narottama das Thakura?” she asked.

“Yes, I do,” I replied. “He’s one of my great heroes.”

“That is his book, Prarthana,” she said with a smile. “The original.”

As I very carefully turned each parchment page to inspect the condition of the book, she said, “These treasures need to be treated and preserved for future generations. Would you like to help?”

My eyes became moist and a lump appeared in my throat. I tried my best to convey my consent, but I couldn’t. I finally just blurted out, “Yes! Thank you!”

As she carefully placed the parchment in its box, she noticed a tiny sliver of the manuscript in the corner that had apparently broken off. Handing it to me, she said, “Please accept this as a blessing from your hero. Place it in a kavaca and wear it around your neck.”

At that point, I couldn’t help myself and I burst into tears of gratitude.

Srila Prabhupada, thank you for answering my prayers and entrusting me with a service that I know is very dear to your heart. You yourself carried a number of our previous acaryas’ books everywhere you travelled. Every day you would refer to them as you wrote your Bhaktivedanta purports. I know this for a fact, for I once carried a heavy suitcase of yours filled with those precious scriptures from the London airport to your room in our temple at 7 Bury Place. Huffing and puffing, I placed it at your lotus feet and when I bowed down, you slapped me on the back in firm appreciation and gave me an eternal blessing, saying:

“So much endeavour in this material world, but when I take you home, back to Godhead, everything will be easy and sublime.”

I look forward to that day when you’ll take me home, Srila Prabhupada, but in the meantime I’ll work closely with a team of devotees I am assembling from around the world to help the Vrindavan Research Institute raise funds, as well as catalogue, scan, digitize, preserve, translate and publish all the works—known and unknown—of our previous acaryas. All the while, I will keep your following words close to my heart:

“It is my serious desire to devote the fag end of my life to translating Srimad Bhagavatam and so many other Vaisnava literatures, so by assisting me in this regards you will be performing the highest service to Krsna.”

[ Srila Prabhupada, letter to Hayagriva das, April 27th, 1972 ]

Your eternal servant,
Indradyumna Swami

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